i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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