Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
