btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
