So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
