I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
