please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
