ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
