Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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