k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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