i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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