Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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