we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
