I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
