I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
