She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
