i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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