The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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