It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
