I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
