Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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