Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
