She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
