I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There r osticjed everywhere
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
