So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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