come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
