There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will pee on everything he values.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
