So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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