the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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