I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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