omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
