a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
