I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
