R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
