you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
