I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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