glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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