I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
