I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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