have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
