just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
