I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
