I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
