Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
