it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
