Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
