If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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