The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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