if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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