Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
