at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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