do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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