no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
