I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
