According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
