Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
