Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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