I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
