Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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