he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Text me some of your sweat
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