No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
