Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
