I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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