I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
