Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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