the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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