and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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