I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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