Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
