Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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