I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
