I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
