But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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