Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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