Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
