I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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