that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
