the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
