I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
