Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
