i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
