bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
