Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
