No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
